My self pontificated pronounciation created a calming affect as my new roommate and landlord upstairs hopefully got the message as to my presense.  My new room is located in the upper west zone of Hood River not far from Post Canyon.  Post Canyon has some of the best trails in Oregon if not the west.  The room rented at $1050 per month plus $150 for utilities.  I first month, last and a $500 deposit to get me through 3 months.  I did not want to fall into a lease beyond 6 months, and depending on how this works out, I will have an easy 3 months.  

Terry rented me the large room as a studio although to be honest its just a large room with a private bathroom.  Nothing fancy.  The unit has tall ceilings, nice lighting, great location and a few kitchen details: small fridge, Ninja 12 in 1 cooker, microwave and a few dishes.  Dishes are cleaned in the tub… and the challenge is on.  Along with my tiny cappachino machine and blender I should be able to make it work.  Trying to stay positive, and accept things as half full.

Terry has two small dogs and two fat cats.  The animals stay upstairs, so I dont really interact with them at all.  The two small dogs are incredibly cute, and dont bark which is wonderful.  The frogs are a wonderful sound that comes through the cracked open window as well.  No art on the walls which is boring, but I have something in mind.

Its early June, grey and the wind is blowing the trees out off the sidewalk in all directions.  The windows are covered with an interesting plastic dotted film to obscure the view.  Not sure I like it, but again, 3 months.  My life in flux.  I dont miss the idea that the coast didnt work out, but maybe it will as now I am closer.  The other problem with the coast was that I did actually feel damp and cold.  Its now 2.5 hours to Manzanita and Short Sands if I want to go surf. 

I sold 5 shares of Nvidia this morning, and although I need the money, was most likely not a smart move.  Who knows.  The ‘funny money’ is straight up gambling if you ask me, but dont, because I was lucky and that is all it was.  I bought at $190/share and just sold 5 at $1150, so great.  That should be able to last for the summer.  

I miss her.  I miss her poor circulation and cold hands.  I miss my friend.  We spoke last night, and I explained how I feel like she is an important part of my life, but why?  Why do I need her?  Why do I need the companionship.  Is it my fear?  My constant fear of being discovered as an irresponsible, lazy quitter always running away to what I consider another adventure?  I explained that I needed to find myself.  I know I need to find the love of myself to bring greater joy to those around me.  I need a broader love of all those around me instead of this antisocial, afraid of what people think of me, perspective.  We are all connected, and this perspective is healing.  It just gets thrown out of my awareness so often its hard to keep it present.  I am getting there.  I am aware.  I am present.  I have to keep reminding myself that its not telling myself, ‘hey, stay positive!’, but hey, ‘stay present’.  This is what is right now, right here right now.